The Sentry and the Bard (adapted)

          “So, here we are at last. Shall I be Mother?” The Sentry removed the knitted tea cosy from the Royal Doulton teapot and gestured to a goat-hair poof which bleated quietly.

         “No time I’m afraid Uncle, the world is dangling from a thread and all the trumpets have sounded to call the armies forth, yours and mine. They stand ready, facing each other over the hairline crack of tectonic plates waiting for your word… or mine.

         “Battenburg?”offered the Sentry, dismissing the severity of the situation with a wave of his hand. “I am partial to a bit of marzipan.”

         “No!”

         “What have you done with that ‘scaredy-rat’ of yours? He doesn’t normally leave your side.”

         “He’s…safe” replied the Bard.

         “Oh, I think not.” The Sentry sipped daintily from the flowered china cup holding out his pinky. “None of us are safe, never have been, not since the dawn of time. But at least if you let me have my way it will be over very quickly. Your little rat- Gilby, is it? He’ll hardly feel a thing. His dim light will be easy to ‘pfff’.”

         "It’s Gilbert, and he’s not dim, do not cast aspertions. He has more cleverness and insight than many would give him credit for. He has come to my aid on many occasion.”

         “But he cannot survive. No one can." The Sentry savoured a mouth of marzipan. "Do you really think he’s clever?”

         “Yes! He’s very capable. He has an exquisite mind really, very good at crossward puzzles. Quite incredible.”

        “Balderdash!”

        “Is not!"Spluttered the Bard. "He can do the times crossword in seven minutes flat, six on a good day. Not so good with the Soduko though.”

       “I suppose he can tell you all the healing qualities of a cabbage too. How is he on cauliflowers?”

       “Not great, he’s more into his nuts and seeds really. If you want a comparison between sunflower and pumpkin seeds he’s your ra… why are we talking about this? You’re deflecting. Stop talking about Gilbert and lets get to what really counts.”

         “So Gilbert doesn’t count?” the Sentry challenged.

         “Of course he does," fumed the Bard, "but there are more pressing matters to attend to right now. There is an army of vultures wing to wing on the horizon and total annihilation is a heartbeat away.”

        "I think we have time for one more cup."